An Elephant in My Closet

For the past two years I have done little art-making. First came the distraction of writing SEED OF IMAGINATION, An Ancestral Creative Journey followed by prepping for and doing the inaugural exhibition of Celebrating Our Maiden Migrations. Publishing SEED took more time than anticipated, as did promotion for a Eugene book release event and editing a video narration of Maiden Migrations. (Check out Celebrating Our Maiden Migrations on You Tube.)

Trying to get back to making art prompted a series of false starts: a class in Gelli printmaking and chasing screwball ideas like designing tee shirts and creating a deck of oracle cards based on our ancestral journey. But the magic of getting back to my deep creative work on human migration didn't happen until I cleaned the studio closet.

CLOSET MAGIC

Poking among closet shelves, I came across the four 'feet' of a Joyous Elephant stick sculpture I had begun in March 2019 with the help of my friend Kathleen. Following my instruction she had painted oatmeal boxes, added toes and soles, but was hesitant to do the spirals I wanted on their tops. Knowing exactly what the next step on the feet was, I also pulled out ribbon and bells procured for the elephant's 'saddle' and an ear I had made while she painted the stick.

I haven't decided which color stone works better on the feet.

In progress - sewing bells to saddle ribbons.

Trying to decide what to have on ear backs.

A DYSFUNCTIONAL MESS

The elephant stick was the last piece I was working on before getting totally sidetracked. Working on it reminded me of four boards I had begun over two years previously for migration into the Mediterranean region. Pulling them from under a table, I realized they needed to hang on a wall in order to work with them as a whole. 

I vaguely remembered deciding the region was to be anchored by three Mediterranean goddess tiles I had painted around 1999. My choice for a work wall required moving a painting from there to the bedroom, getting tiles from the downstairs bathroom, and ... chaos ensued. 

The studio was a dysfunctional mess. Projects were everywhere: elephant feet/saddle/ear, Mediterranean boards, tee shirts, oracle card resources, workshop ides, current dream mandala, etc. Working on one required shifting everything. Moreover, where was the Mediterranean sketchbook I began way back whenever? Dang! Either organize all these projects or perish in the confusion.

A few Migrations paintings serve to bring creative energy back into my work space.

Oracle cards, workshop ideas, tee shirts, Goddess and Mediterranean research.

In progress Dream Mandala found a space on top of paint cubicles.

Mediterranean Work Commences

Mediterranean complex, elephant corner, window and table work spaces.

Oops. After attaching hanging wires to the Mediterranean boards, I put them on the wall only to discover the spacing was wrong and two of the boards were upside down. To sort this out, I needed my maps and tracings. Where are they? And where is my original sketch?

Another plunge into the closet and sorting through all my paper rolls produced desired maps and tracings, resulting in even greater irritation about misplacing my Mediterranean sketchbook. I started a new one.

Upside down and poorly spaced boards.

While preparing for an interview to promote the book release event I pulled out my Assisi artist residency sketchbook. Voila! The Mediterranean! After returning from Spain in 2017, I had decided to use the voluminous Italy sketchbook for the region I researched in 2014. Of course!

Inside was the sketch I remembered making. Goddesses and Mediterranean Sea were to be dominant features. Paraphernalia collected in the sketchbook brought memories of traveling in Italy, especially Sicily, to the surface of my brain. Pieces scattered over years of ups and downs started to come together. An interminable prelude was ending - finally - a beginning.

The Mediterranean configuration and reference materials started talking to me, but not loudly enough. I got distracted by signing up for a two-week short story writing challenge, the result of which was rediscovering that I am not a fiction writer. Back to the studio where I belong! 

Spacing may still not be right, but it's better. Maps are for reference only.

Although it's true that some things have to incubate for a long time, not knowing what to do can also be a factor in continually putting something on the back burner. One reason it took so long to get back to a project begun six years earlier was because it would require relearning basic painting skills: mixing paints, choosing brushes, making mistakes. I was avoiding the embarrassment of beginner's mind.

Enter one of my cardinal rules, "Start with what you know." If the sea is to be the focus, then start by putting in its boundaries. In the process of doing that first step, a color pallet has begun to emerge. Ideas for textural materials are bubbling up.

My love affair with Mediterranean culture has deep roots. In addition to five years living in Europe and studying ancient goddesses in the 1990s, the Mediterranean was traversed extensively by my paternal ancestors and to a lesser degree by my maternal progenitors.

It took an elephant in my closet to bring me home to a life work.

Crossing the Sea of Life

The mandala classes I teach are based on the structure of Tibetan Buddhist mandalas: Fire Ring, Transition, Narrative Cycle, Sea of Life, Four Portals, Inner Garden & Self, and Final Rim.  In our Dream Mandalas the Narrative Cycle is a series of dreams that take us into the realm of spirit. Our mandalas represent our unique personal mythologies.

Structurally, this year's class has reached the Sea of Life. It is interesting that when Homo Sapiens first left Africa, they crossed the southern tip of the Red Sea at the Gate of Tears, so named for the horde of humans who had drowned in it during the earthquake that separated Africa from Eurasia. Likewise, when Moses led his people into freedom they crossed the Red Sea. It is also noteworthy that mammalian life emerged from the sea.

When we paint our mandala's Sea of Life, we begin by meditating on our personal experiences with water, such as seas and oceans and lakes and rivers, even rain and snow. If possible we sit beside a body of water to do our meditation. Below are some examples of the variety of forms this art can take.

Sea of Life Examples from Celestial Gallery by Romio Shrestha 

Amitayus: The Buddha of Boundless Life, p. 39

Chakrasamvara: Golden Energy, p. 27

Mandala of Padmapani: Savior of Great Compassion, Frontspiece

Wagner Sea of Life Examples

1997 Heroine's Journey, begun while living in Victoria, B.C.
Brown Sea of Life was painted after leaving the Pacific Ocean.

1998 Dream Mandala. 
Turquoise Sea of Life painted during daughter's illness.

2016 Dream Mandala, Shades of blue, green and gold Sea of Life
painted after research travel in Mediterranean region.

Evolution of Mandala Sea of Life

As with each part of the mandala, after meditating, we begin the Sea of Life by laying in a base color that came to us in our meditation. Then we doodle in our journal sketchbook to find the form that wants to be in the Sea of Life. Below is the evolution my own Sea of Life underwent in my 2017-8 Dream Mandala.

2018 First take on Sea of Life

2018 Second take on Sea of Life

LiDoña Wagner Dream Mandala 2018
Final form of Sea of Life

Student Mandalas - Sea of Life

Patricia Rounds 2016, Dream Mandala 
Notice how her Sea of Life frames the four portals.

Hope Lewis, Dream Mandala 2018, Sea of Life

Janet Asman 2018, Dream Mandala

Janet made a lovely slide show showing the painting of her mandala from beginning to end. In my September 26, 2018 blog you can view the laying in of the base color for her Sea of Life, her first form, and her refinements.

TAKING STOCK OF OUR LIFE

Beginning Reflection

Looking Within

In this era of social distancing we can find solace and new direction in connecting with our inner selves. One way to begin is to take a look at the most recent period of your life. Since recording this inventory will help your neurological function and aid your introspection, get a pencil and paper, or a journal if you have one, and write the date of your Taking Stock entry at the top of a page.

Begin in a meditative atmosphere, by closing your eyes and feeling the flow of your life over the past few weeks, months, or even years. Take your time. There's no need to rush. Welcome tears, anger, or anxiety if they come up. After considering the inner movement of this most recent time, give this latest chapter in your life a title. 

Title:

You may want to add notes about when you sense the period began, characteristics it embodied, and any intuitions or sensations that arose during your reflection. 

Look closely and you'll see that my cactus is bursting with new life.

Diving Into The Details

Self-Concept/Identity

What has been my self-image during this time period? In other words, how have I experienced the ‘me’ in myself? Have I had a particular identity? Am I clinging to it now or ready to let it go?

Physical Experience

How has my body been during this time? Have there been health challenges or illness, bodily or psychological changes? What about physical engagement in athletics or sexuality? Have I over-indulged or allowed addictions to take hold? How have I experienced nature?

Events

Have strange, uncanny, striking, dramatic, or coincidental events occurred? Have I sensed that any historic or artistic events have special meaning for me? Has a significant event shaped or even changed the direction of my life?

I love how my winter Hellebore is blooming alongside a Dandelion announcing spring . 

Meaningful Engagement

What projects have had an inner meaning for me? Why and how? Did I encounter hopes, plans, difficulties, challenges? Was I successful or did I experience dissatisfaction or failure? 

Persons/Society

What relationships with individuals have been important? What social groups have been significant? Why? How have I been engaged in social or political issues?

Decisions/Guidance

What significant decisions did I make? Or did I not make? Did I or am I now facing a crossroads in life? Has a mentor or wise teacher influenced me in any way?

Inner Life

Have I had a sense of connection to or disconnection from the wider universe? Have I had memorable or recurring dreams, an uncanny encounter, a synchronistic experience? Have I felt blessed or cursed? Did I have a stroke of good luck or a streak of bad fortune?

My about-to-pop-open tulips are welcomed by some volunteer bluebells.

Reflection

Listening within, close your eyes, relax, and open all of your senses. Allow an image, smell, or physical sensation to present itself. Record these spontaneous images and sensations.

Sentence Completion 

My life in this period has been like …

It’s as if …

This makes me want to …

Above the rooftop you can see the aura of a maple tree's buds.

Take the next few minutes slowly. Perhaps walk around a bit or refresh yourself in nature before picking up the threads of everyday life. 

Book Release March 12

Our local radio station has put out a blog for Book Release event this Thursday at Tsunami bookstore in Eugene, Oregon from 5:30 - 7:00. This link shares the blog post.

If you're in the area, please join me.

https://www.klcc.org/post/lido-wagner-launches-new-book-seed-imagination-0

There will be a reminder radio announcement on KLCC Wednesday around 10:00 am and 4:00 pm.

BEYOND ANGER, FEAR, & ANXIETY

I understand the anger that simmers in communities across America because we recognize that corporate America and a government controlled by the rich and powerful have sold us out. I resonate with the fear that grips parents of every ethnicity who have lost loved ones to gun violence. I experience the anxiety that even the most uninformed citizen feels about the future of our democracy as we wrestle with the recklessness of an out-of-control and emotionally immature person in power. Yet, I know from experience that we can move beyond these paralyzing emotions by glimpsing a vision forged of hope, courage and compassion.  

21st Century Democracy 

I became an Elizabeth Warren supporter when she showed me that a twenty-first century democracy is possible. Behind all of the plans found at elizabethwarren.com there lies a vision for Planetary Equilibrium based on a truly Representational Government that provides Social Well-Being for everyone.

Hope Resides Beyond Fear

Planetary Equilibrium can be achieved by focusing on creating an equitable economy. Warren’s Green and Blue New Deals create well-paying jobs in America by investing in scientific innovation and developing global relationships based on diplomacy, trade, and cooperation among allies. 

Compassion Moves Beyond Anger

Warren sees that Social Well-Being can be achieved by taxing the wealthy who depend upon educated workers and a post-modern infrastructure. Health Care is an investment in the human capital upon which all progress depends. Public Education not only provides an effective work force, it unleashes the human potential that fires innovation. Women’s equality not only doubles a nation’s economy, it injects human values into decision-making.

Courage Emerges Beyond Anxiety

Warren’s experience in creating the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and serving in the senate has given her a vision for a truly Representational Government. Such a return to our democratic roots depends upon ending lobbying by the rich and powerful. Removing the filibuster will unblock the levers of decision-making so that action on immigration, racial justice, gun control, and climate change becomes possible. Reducing military expenditures that suck our human and economic resources can open doors to peace and prosperity.

Please join me in Warren’s campaign based on hope, energized by courage, and imbued with compassion.

Beating the Odds

Elizabeth Warren Will Beat the Odds and Win

Elizabeth Warren says, “You don’t get what you don’t fight for.” I know in my bones that is true. Twenty-two years after surviving breast cancer, it metastasized to my bones. Yet, by fighting, today I am stronger and healthier than a majority of Americans.

Fighting for a Diagnosis

Everyone told me the growing disfunction and pain in my right hip was arthritis. Finally, my Primary Care Provider (PCP) ordered an X-ray. Viewing the result, two orthopedic doctors said it didn’t look like arthritis; maybe it was Pagett’s disease. My PCP ordered a CT scan.

After seeing results of the scan, my physical therapist called. She said I had a metastatic illness throughout my skeleton, most prominently in my right pelvis. I needed to get a bone biopsy to find out what cancer had metastasized. Due to the fragility of the bone I was in danger of a pathological fracture. “I want you to use crutches to keep pressure off of the right hip.”

Thursday before Labor Day weekend 2018, I spoke with a scheduler at the appointed testing facility for a bone biopsy. He explained the delay in scheduling. “We had to find a doctor to do it, schedule a room, and order a special needle because ‘we don’t normally do bone biopsies.’” RED FLAG! I got the doctor’s name and checked him out online. RED FLAG! It was not his specialty and he had very low approval ratings. 

I called a friend to check my gut feeling that I was headed for a procedure that might permanently damage my right pelvis and leave me crippled. Concurring, she said, “Cancel it. You have one day before the long weekend to get rescheduled with an experienced doctor in a competent facility. You can do it.”

I cancelled the biopsy next morning and began searching for a place with experience. Just before noon I called to have an order sent. My PCP did not know this facility and sent it to a wrong number. I gave them the correct one. At 4:00 I received a call reporting that all tests and images had been received at my chosen facility. 

This Fight Is My Fight

Meanwhile, my naturopath and I reviewed the CT scan. It showed no tumors in any primary organs. I had done enough research to figure out that it was likely from the original breast cancer. She put me on a sugar and gluten-free diet with protein from green vegetables, fish, and poultry and gave me vitamins and a tincture to boost my immune system. I asked about using visualization to remove cancer cells from my bones. “Yes. Visualization has been scientifically tested and proven to be effective.” 

Two or three times every day I visualized myself being surrounded by a galaxy of Love, Hope, Expertise, and Archaic Body Wisdom. I took the light of the galaxy down through the crown of my head and through all of the bones of my skeleton, visualizing it zapping cancer cells and disposing of them. 

By the time the bone biopsy confirmed that the metastasis was from breast cancer, I had researched where to go for treatment. Eugene’s Willamette Valley Cancer Research Institute (WVCI) is part of a nation-wide medical network that collaborates on cancer research. 

I called to schedule an appointment with an oncologist so I could tell my PCP where to send an order. It would take weeks to see the person my naturopath recommended. The scheduler suggested someone else. I read his bio on my computer screen - 7 years at Mayo clinic and ongoing cancer research. Great! I’ll take it. 

Fighting to Stop the Growth of the Cancer

Everywhere at WVCI are the words, We Believe in Hope. My oncologist said, “You will have this disease for the rest of your life, but you will not die from it.” I like and trust this guy!

After getting acquainted and learning the drugs he was prescribing, I asked, “Do you think it would be possible by June 2019 for me to do a forty-five-minute presentation on my feet without crutches?” My accompanying friend gasped in disbelief. He was attentive. “I have been working ten years on an art installation that is scheduled for an exhibition in Seattle and I will need to speak about it.”

He responded, “I want you to see an orthopedic oncologist in Portland. You need to be seen by an doctor who is familiar with your disease.” Before I left, he had someone scheduling me an appointment at Oregon Health Sciences University (OHSU). He sent me to the resident pharmacy to pick up my first drug. His plan to start me on a drug to strengthen my bones suffered delays as we fought with my insurance over their preferred drug versus his recommended one.

Two weeks later I was at OHSU. An orthopedic doctor told me there were treatment options, but it all depended upon what my goals were and how much I was willing to invest. I repeated my June 2019 goal. I asked about bone cement. He turned on the computer and showed me images of my right pelvis.

It looked like swiss cheese and there was a two-inch black hole. “We can’t do bone cement because it goes in as a liquid and would go right through the holes.”  He recommended doing ten days of radiation at WVCI and coming back in three months.

Radiation is exhausting but I was up for whatever it would take to restore my health and mobility. Once through that ordeal, my naturopath focused my vitamin supplements on bone growth. When I arrived back at OHSU on Christmas Eve day, I was no longer in pain and I had graduated from crutches to a cane. 

After X-rays., I saw the doctor and asked what they showed. He said there was no change. “But don’t bones re-grow?” “Yes, but very slowly. You may always have the ‘swiss cheese and black hole’. We have stopped the growth of the cancer. Come again in three months.” 

Fighting to Rebuild My Bones

I asked my naturopath, “If the X-rays don’t show any change, how could he say we’ve stopped the growth of the cancer?” Studying blood work done prior to my visit to OHSU, it showed that the breast cancer marker was down from 303 in September to 60. (It has since gone down to the 40s.) Radiation had given a boost to the drugs. We high fived and adjusted my vitamin supplements and visualizations accordingly. 

It was five months before I got back to OHSU. After X-rays, I was greeted by two of my doctor’s students who asked questions about what I was doing. I talked about my work with a naturopath. I did not mention my visualizations, sensing they would think that was ‘woo woo’. 

The interns seemed puzzled about something, so I asked what they saw in the X-rays.

Bringing up the images, one said there was obvious healing of the bone. I asked, “No ‘swiss cheese or black hole?’” The doctor confirmed this, said I was one of the lucky ones, and announced I did not need to see him again.

Three weeks later, I packed and shipped over forty art works, installed them at the gallery, walked for ten days up three metal staircases, and did six presentations without crutches or cane. I believe in science and the power of the human spirit.

Elizabeth Warren is fighting for the changes that will get this country back on track. I know in my bones that she can beat the odds and become the president we need at this point in our history. 

GET IN THE FIGHT

If you’ve been on the sidelines waiting to find out who the Democrats are going to choose as our presidential candidate, NOW is the time to move from the edges and join in the battle of our lifetime. The Civil Rights movement, resistance to the Viet Nam war, and feminist revolution fore-shadowed what we face full-front now.

The Iowa caucus was a mess because people are confused by a changing political paradigm. Old party definitions and ideologies have gone by the wayside because 21^st century problems cannot be solved with 19^th or 20^th century solutions. Environmental chaos is disrupting patterns of human settlement that we assumed were set in stone. Artificial intelligence is altering the whole concept of work and employment. Global systems of trade have put entire groups of people on the defensive.

A new ethics-based political paradigm has emerged. Based on values such as courage, truth, and respect for diversity, it transcends previous party, national and tribal identities. Greta Thunberg comes to mind as exemplifying this new lens for understanding the events of our era.

The Paradigm Battle

Paradigms do not change without periods of confusion, disarray, and conflict. We witnessed the current struggle to embrace the new paradigm when:

• Mitt Romney voted to remove a same-party president from political office, accepting the GOP ostracism that would result
• Vulnerable Democrat Doug Jones chose to protect the US constitution regardless of this resulting in the likely loss of his senate seat
• Adam Schiff and the whole House Impeachment team eloquently and with precision presented evidence of wrong-doing by an out-of-control autocrat while knowing that power-hungry Republicans would not listen
• Yavanovitch and Vindman, both from immigrant families, were willing to sacrifice their careers to get out the truth. 

Each of these persons made their sacrifice in hope that the rest of us would listen and have the courage to act on what we also know to be true. 

Protectors of the old paradigm of aristocratic money and power, relics of nation-states and the colonialism of previous eras, want to keep us in confusion and disarray because that paralyzes us from taking courageous action. Wall Street and the GOP tell us that our economy is thriving when in reality 30% of all workers are in a gig economy that provides unstable income and no benefits.  

The Democratic field of presidential candidates has been large, boding well for future leadership. But, having to choose between so many options can feel overwhelming. While many of these future leaders will be in a new Democratic administration, now we need to unite around one candidate so we can build momentum for the general election in which we remove the Divider-in-chief. 

After watching every debate, reading political essays, seeing C-Span videos of the candidates out on the campaign trail and looking through an ethics-driven paradigm, here's my overview of our primary options. Full disclosure: I am a Warren Democrat. 

New Paradigm Candidates

Any female candidate is part of a new political paradigm. This automatically makes her an outsider who is generally overlooked or ignored by old paradigm pundits. 

Amy Klobachar

With a grandfather who worked on the iron range and father who was a local journalist, Amy identifies with people who work hard for a living. She is a senator for Minnesota, a diverse Mid-Western state that has been hit hard by automation. With a strong record in the senate, she advocates for moderate changes to the system – something that appeals to the large older population but doesn’t give young people a lot of hope. Her clever attacks on other candidates will make it hard for her to unite the Democratic party. 

Elizabeth Warren

The daughter of an Oklahoma janitor and minimum-wage spouse, Warren worked her way through high school and a Houston public college. Her experience teaching special education, followed by attending law school in New Jersey led to a career as a law professor. Her principles drove her to research middle-class issues and to fight for a Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that has now returned 12 billion dollars to citizens who were cheated by financial institutions. Her intelligence and experience are invigorated with compassion. 

Single Issue New Paradigm Candidates

Tom Steyer

Issue: Saving the environment before it’s too late. His epiphany came after making billions in the fossil-fuel industry. In 2018 he helped with the blue wave by funding young people as organizers to get youth politically engaged. While climate change is a fundamental issue affecting the future of all of us and the whole planet, he has not spelled out how it intersects with all of the other issues we face.

Andrew Yang  

Issue: Work as we have known it is going away. Artificial Intelligence/automation is rapidly eroding jobs. It is important that we hear this message. As he foresees this, his solution is to give every adult $1000 a month as a base income. However, he has not done the math to show us how this would be paid for and has not articulated a full vision. Or if he has, he has not articulated it in a way ordinary people can understand.  

Old Paradigm Candidates

Joe Biden

The former Vice President is trying to become a new paradigm politician focused on ethics but does not know how to embed values into innovative new policies. His strong support in the African American community is a huge asset but he has so much baggage from a long career in politics that almost any adversary can find something with which to flog him. He was an early target of the orange-faced one and has not shown that he can beat him.

Michael Bloomberg

He is focused, rightly, on beating Donald Trump. As a billionaire and former three-term New York mayor who is cognizant of Trump’s bankruptcies and racist shady deals, he knows that Trump is a business failure driving the economy to greater inequities. He is spending his billions to make the rest of us aware of this. His black marks are money in politics and as a crafter of the Stop and Frisk policing that unfairly incarcerated people of color.

Pete Buttigiege

A 38-year-old smooth talker, he was mayor of South Bend, Indiana for eight years during which the number of incarcerated African Americans soared, exceeding other places in the nation. His gay orientation tempted me to place him in the new paradigm category, however he is following the old pattern of money influencing politics and is heavily supported by Wall Street. He attracts a large following, but his sexual orientation would make him a prime target for the Insulter-in-chief.     

Bernie Sanders

As a self-identified Socialist, this is the candidate the Hater-in-Chief wants. Sanders’ Socialist label is made to order for rallying the red-hat base. You have to hand it to Sanders for consistency over his forty-year political career. But he is a figurehead rather than a leader. He is unable to give moral direction to his followers who do not identify with Democrats and use name-calling and underhanded tactics to criticize Democratic candidates.

Get In The Fight

The GOP makes fun of Democratic turnout for the Iowa caucus being on a par with 2016 and not 2018, but the reality is that while over 176,113 people braved cold weather and new procedures to show support for Democratic candidates, Republican turnout was only 18% of that - 31,770. Each of the three Democratic front-runners had more than their total turnout. Don't be fooled by 'supposedly' large rallies for Trump; cult followers are often bused in from elsewhere.

To defeat morally bankrupt Republicans holding on to an old ineffectual paradigm, we need you in the fight NOW. If a conservative group in Arizona can enter the new paradigm and launch the Lincoln Project to defeat Trump supporter and enabler McSally, I know you can figure out a role in the upcoming election. I got ideas by going to ElizabethWarren.com. Now I'm writing letters to the editor and have an app on my phone that allows me to canvas anywhere any time. After getting trained in a Warren campaign on-line session, I'll be tabling for the Democratic party at the Asian celebration next Sunday where I’ll be using my app!