Miniature Tree Nursery

 After watching a presentation on a Japanese rapid reforestation method being used in India, I decided maybe I could have my own indigenous tree nursery for people here in Eugene who love planting trees.

Look closely at the black pot.
On Earth Day I rescued three tree starts
from the community garden.

Squirrels started an Oak tree by bringing an acorn
into this pot where I am regenerating a Hydrangea by 
taking a cutting from another one.  

This Maple is in its second year.

Four Pine trees and a Maple share this pot. 
The Pines are transplanted twice. First from between 
rocks in my yard and then from another pot that had 
too many baby trees.

If you look closely around the edges and in the center 
of this pot you will find four baby Maples.

Before I moved them, the four Pine starts 
 were in with the four Maples.
That's too many as they all start to grow.  

It will be a while before I know which trees will make it and why. But that's okey. Already I have over a dozen baby trees to nurture and learn about.

Yes, You Can

LiDoña Wagner Primordial Muck 2022  

I am totally plagiarizing Tom Baily, co-founder of The Jump campaign. Recently he put out a statement countering the idea that individuals cannot make a difference in addressing climate change. He listed six activities individuals can engage in to dramatically reduce carbon emissions.

 

1.     Eat a plant-based diet of healthy proteins and do

      not waste any food.

2.     Buy no more than three new items of clothing per

      year.

3.     Keep electrical products for at least seven years.

4.     Take no more than one short haul flight every

      three years and one long haul flight every eight 

      years.

5.     Get rid of personal motor vehicles if you can and

       if not, hold your existing vehicle longer.

6.     Make at least one life shift to nudge the system, 

      like moving to green energy, insulating your 

      home, or changing your pension supplier.

 

If everyone followed these six guidelines it would reduce by 25-27% emissions and keep global heating down to 1.5 centigrade. 

LiDoña Wagner Primordial Muck Detail 2022 

The push is for for each of us to make The Jump to assisting in caring for the Blue Marble. Let's do it!

HEARTS AND FLOWERS

Last week I finished a doll I began 

hand stitching seven years ago.

LiDoña Wagner Hearts & Flowers

I had created the body first; it was hard. Not knowing what to do next I put my doll and all the materials in a basket in the closet. After doll had rested a couple of years, I tried making the apron. It did not go well so once again I quit. Another couple of years passed before I decided to tackle the face. It was really hard and didn't turn out as I had hoped, but I did it. Still thinking about the apron, doll went back to the closet for another year. 

I am a sucker for symbols of transformation.

When I had figured out the apron and actually made it, my heart soared. Enthused, I started on the hair. But then I discovered that the ribbon I’d cut for the hair was too short. Once again I quit. Last week for some inexplicable reason, I got Hearts & Flowers out again. This time I pushed aside my inner critic, by saying, “Whose hairstyle is perfect? Let it be.” 

Anticipation of spring may have inspired finishing my doll.

HAPPINESS

During this whole journey, the heart-shaped head of Hearts & Flowers doll inspired me to make small heart-shaped love notes to myself that i post on a kitchen cabinet. One such note reads HAPPINESS Sleep, Gratitude, Helping Others. I can’t recall if this is a summary of one article I read or several that I summarized. What I do know is that it precipitated creation of an evening ritual. 

Perhaps it's anticipating Valentine's Day that got me off my duff. 

Each night before going to bed, I open my Gratitude Journal and record:

JOY = What brought joy into my life in the last 24 hours?

COMFORT = What gave me solace amid climate change and Covid’s ravages?

INSPIRED = What gave me hope or moved me to action?

GRATEFUL FOR = 3 or more as they come to mind – some nights it gets up to a dozen.

1.         2.           3.          4.           5.           6.         7.   

What creative project is waiting in your closet?

 

Year of the Tiger

Transformation to the 3rd Power

My gratitude overflows for the transformation that has occurred in my life since receiving Clarissa, my pacemaker. Intriguingly, during the week after Clarissa entered my life, I intuitively made a centering mandala with three butterflies. Now three months out, after a previous long period of sluggishly dragging myself from day to day, I have renewed energy, greater physical flexibility, and enhanced mental alertness. 

 

Why did this these symbols of transformation appear as i was integrating Clarissa into my life? They are not the endangered species of Monarchs I've been working for some time to protect. These butterflies emerged from inside me as a message from my psyche. I suspect the big one represents my health and well-being after Clarissa. 

Youthful Joy

But what about the other two? I remember feeling young and joyful when I put in the small pink, magenta and turquoise one. The new life she represents has not yet been revealed but might relate to publishing my third book, REINVENT YOURSELF with Dreaming & Artful Play, in the Year of the Tiger, 2022. 

Memories of the Monkey Dance

The brown, blue and white one reminds me of Indonesian batik cloth. Maybe it’s about pulling together spirit methods I have honed over many years into a Learning Lab in which participants create stories of personal change while going on a reinvention journey as they learn to guide dreamwork and artful play exercises.  

Signs of Life

I love my early morning exercise routine, done on a mat in front of the patio windows where I can witness nature’s changing rhythms. Noticing nanoseconds in Earth's long life pulls me out of self-absorption, reconnecting me to the source of life.

 

Human ignorance 

Endangering our mother

Mountain snow retreats

 

May your Year of the Tiger be filled with strength, courage, and ingenuity. Perhaps the simple act of drawing a circle and spontaneously putting something within will open a window into where your life wants to go next.

Holiday Greetings

It's the festive season!

Patio Lights

Patio and window lights go up right after Thanksgiving, announcing to my neighbors that the festive season has arrived. Soon the hours of light will increase. Next is the entry décor featuring red ribbons and berries along with pinecones, recognizing my dependence upon the natural world. Sprigs of evergreen collected on my walks adorn pots holding plants now resting from the exuberance of summer and fall.

Welcome to the festive season.

My tree is up, but it’s not what you think! Composed of holiday greeting cards from years past, it celebrates the interconnected web of relationships that has sustained me through the years. One or more of the cards that make my tree may have come from you. Choosing from my assortment of cards brings memories of places I’ve lived and friendships that shaped me. Beneath this year’s Peace Tree, I have lined up cards that symbolize the gift of love received during difficult times of my life. 

Peace Tree

Next come all the festive mementos: paper peace cranes created years ago with Cheryl in Victoria, tiny little bells from India, white shells collected on Pacific coast beaches, a Peruvian creche purchased in Brussels to celebrate the birth of my inner child, and small decorative chocolate boxes exchanged with university workmates. Savoring these fond memories, I usually take two to three weeks to put things up. 

Bells, Cranes, and Shells

In this season of giving and renewal, may the 2021 winter solstice proclaim Hope and Peace for our troubled world and bring Joy to your heart.

I love chocolate!

Nurses Are Phenomenal

Wealthy Nations (including US and UK) have taken responsibility
for preserving 80% of the world's forested land in Brazil, Congo, and Indonesia,
They are on life support.

A scuffle of racing steps approached my room. My heart monitor read 21. Two nurses burst through the door, ready to restart my heart if it stopped. They looked at the monitor; now reading 32. One put her hands on her hips, shook her platinum bob, and said, “You need a pacemaker!” The three of us laughed and the monitor shot up to 41. 

 

Getting a pacemaker was the reason an ambulance had brought me from ER to the hospital at 7:15 pm Friday October 15. The question now was ‘When would I get it?’ It could be as early as 5:00 am or as late as … no one knew.

  

Nurses are phenomenal. While in ER a stream of caring nurses and paramedics, following the anthem BE PREPARED, took my vitals, put paddles on my chest and back, inserted two IVs in my right arm – one to keep me hydrated and the second in case they needed to restart my heart. Checking on me continuously, they explained that I had heart block, not a heart attack, meaning the upper and lower chambers of my heart were not communicating as they should. Later they reported that a doctor had ordered a pacemaker and an ambulance was scheduled. Each of them came to say goodbye when shifts changed, further instilling trust that I was in good hands.

At 2:15 pm on Saturday, October 16 the doctor who would be implanting the pacemaker appeared. He reported that the uncertain time was because it was now the weekend with fewer staff and the ‘cath lab’ where he would do his work had to give priority to urgent cases. Getting a pacemaker was considered an elective procedure so depending on what happened in the immediate future, we might be next ... or not.

After listening carefully to my two-year litany of incidents that prefigured the current heart block, he replied there was no guarantee that the pacemaker would end my episodes - there might be some other cause. But this would make my heart functional. He explained that he would make an incision below my left collar bone, thread two wires through an artery into the right atrium and right ventricle, install a small computer under the incision, attach the wires, check to be sure the computer worked properly, close the incision, apply super glue, and then take some tests to be sure the wires were where they should be.

Ten minutes after he left, I was greeted by the cath lab nurse – another caring professional who took all my vitals and explained the sleeping medicine that would prevent me from feeling the doctor’s work. As she wheeled me down to the surgical theatre, I learned that she was named for an Indian goddess. Was I lucky?

Under the rubric of BE PREPARED, fresh paddles were put on my chest and back in case they needed to restart my heart, and (overcoming my objection) an IV was put into my left arm in case the doctor needed to insert contrast to be able to better see where he was putting the wires. My objection was that for 24 years I had followed orders from a mastectomy doctor not to have any procedures done on the left arm because 11 lymph nods had been removed. Okay, I want this procedure to go well. Do what you have to do. 

 

I fell asleep as my left chest was anointed with a surface antibiotic, awakening later to the feeling of the pacemaker being pressed into my chest. Soon I heard the doctor joking about football with the technicians who had operated the X-ray machines and computer set up. I knew then that the hard part was over; they were relaxing after two hours of tension.

 

Three hours later, a friend picked me up to spend the night with her before going home to begin life as a pacemaker fortified 82-year-old. It would be two more days before I recognized the lady in red and named my pacemaker Clarissa. You will meet the lady in red in my next blog. 

I appreciate what it means to be on life support.

 

 

 

Meet Clarissa!

LiDoña Wagner Radiating Pink

“Maybe the fibers fray over time ….” the surgeon who installed my pacemaker murmured. He was speaking to himself, exploring what might have happened over my 22-month journey from an initial visit to ER in January 2020 to a heart rate that was sometimes falling to 21 and mostly stuck in the lower 30s: 60 and above is considered normal. During my two visits to ER in 2020 no cause was determined for my discomfort and lightheadedness. 

On July 29 a wasp stung the back of my neck, close to the spinal column. A day later, as I was returning from watering my garden, I felt my body being jerked to the right. Sometime later I awoke on the garden’s rock path. In my mind’s eye I saw a seated woman in a red dress holding out a cup to me. Bewildered about why I was on the ground, I determined that I needed water. After groping my way inside, I ran a glass of water, but before I could drink it, I passed out again. When I awakened on the floor, once again I saw the seated woman in a red dress handing me a cup. 

This time I crawled to the sofa and lay down until things began to come back into focus. I was between primary care providers (PCP). An appointment with my new PCP was scheduled for three days hence. Since my bodily and mental functions seemed to have recovered and ER visits had been unproductive, I determined to wait for that Monday morning appointment. 

My new PCP did an immediate EKG, examined for stroke and other things, and noted a concussion on the right side of my head; evidently, I hit it on a rock when I fell. She initiated a series of other tests to determine what had happened and why. First was an MRI which showed nothing wrong in the brain. In succeeding weeks, I had a series of ‘almost fainting’ spells, usually in the morning while preparing breakfast. I would sense my body shifting sightly to the right, grab the counter, lower myself to the floor and wait for stability to return.

 

LiDoña Wagner Breaking Out

In May 2021,  I had an episode in the back garden. By then I had clued into two accompanying features: changing the elevation of my head and getting overheated. My naturopath suggested that since I reported feeling dizzy, I should be tested for vertigo. After a hassle about who could authorize the exam, I was tested and assured that I did not have vertigo.

Then in August I had an episode while working at the computer. My vision blurred, there was pressure at the base of my skull, my shoulder muscles were hard, and I felt faint and short of breath. By the time I lay on the sofa, things were spinning, and my heart was pounding. An electrical current ran down my spine and left arm. Slow deep breathing brought things back to normal after a while. 

Since it involved my eyes, I called my ophthalmologist. After hearing my symptoms, he said it wasn’t an eye issue and recommended seeing a neurological ophthalmologist. Checking with my insurance company, I learned they would not pay for the recommended professional because he was not in their network. Since my annual visit with my PCP was coming up soon, I decided to weigh in with her. She referred me to their neurology department; an appointment is set for next month, Nov 10. 

Toward the end of September, I spent an afternoon helping a friend move so she would not be evicted. After three hours of continuous lifting and moving, I was drained of energy. Afterwards I felt consistently sluggish. I chalked it up to the onset of fall with rain and cold. 

October 15 the climax arrived. 

I was in a gallery viewing a show where a friend had a first-place winner. Partway through our tour, I became short of breath and overheated. After resting and drinking a bottle of water, we headed for the teashop. Finding myself weak and unstable, we changed course and instead came home. My friend has a pacemaker and while I rested on the couch, she suggested we use her wrist-band monitor to check my heart rate. It was low. So? 

It was time for her to go. As I followed her to the door, she turned around to say goodbye, stopped, and said, “Your face is white as a sheet. We have to do something.” “Okay, take me to the emergency room.”

LiDoña Wagner Hint of Hope

INTERMISSION

Later I will share the experience of getting a pacemaker and how my pacemaker got her name.