My Fragile Nature

by Catherine Marsh

The Road Catherine Marsh 2024

Recently I was called upon to share what I had learned over the past three months, since the last meeting of the Learning Circle, a group of six women whose roots and sisterhood go back some 50 years. We range in age from 76 to 87 and meet to share and encourage one another to continue the path of personal transformation and growth as we progress towards our 80s and 90s.

 
Given that context, the learning that I articulated was, “The beauty of life lies in accepting its fragility.” As the youngest member of the group, my encounters with my own fragility have only just begun, but my recent hospitalization reminded me that over the coming years, as I struggle with macular degeneration and osteoporosis as well as other conditions that will arise, such encounters are not likely to diminish in frequency or duration. However, they do not need to diminish me.  Fragility is a part of my nature.

 
I have accepted that I am fragile, and like the delicate orchid, I require attentive cultivation if I am to continue to grow and blossom.  I am learning to handle myself with care.  I eat healthfully and strive to sleep at least seven hours a night; I work out three times a week, twice with a trainer; I have developed practices of writing daily and painting regularly; I walk a mile to and from my painting class each week; I receive injections in both eyes four times a year; I receive an annual infusion for osteoporosis.

Perhaps more than ever before, with intentional care of my body, mind and spirit, I am living a bountiful life. My children are just a phone call away, and will come if called, but I have learned that I also have wonderfully caring neighbors that only need to be asked to help. I zoom monthly with old friends who live far away. Nearby friends join me on excursions into Chicago to participate in many of the wonderful cultural opportunities that exist close to home, and I have decided to stay planted in Evanston – what a wonderful place to call home.

I recently encountered work colleagues that I had not seen since retirement. They all seemed quite shocked and commented that I was aging in reverse, that I looked better than ever. One even used the word, “beautiful.” Ah yes, I noted to myself, I have accepted my fragile nature.
 

 

 

 

 

GIVE AWAY

Last night at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, after cracking jokes about his age, President Joe Biden heralded the importance not only of a free press but the necessity of an informed public.

Despite Michelle Obama's dislike for politics, she has always understood and encouraged everyday citizens to VOTE, underlining their freedom and responsibility as citizens of a democracy. She was the inspiration for my creation of VOTE / HOPE teeshirts in 2016.

Women's Tee Back LiDoña Wagner 2016

Women's Tee Front LiDoña Wagner 2016

As part of my participation in ensuring democracy I am giving away my three remaining shirts, two XXL and one XL. I will mail one to the first three persons to send me their address and size choice.

As citizens women understand that our freedom requires that we make our own decisions about our bodies.

YOUR VOTE MATTERS!

SEEDS OF THE NEW

In a recent NPR TED Hour, health professionals talked about the importance of WALKING. Speaking of the health dangers that our sedentary work and entertainment patterns have produced, they recommended that whatever you are doing, stop every thirty minutes and walk around for five minutes. It doesn’t matter if you stroll, walk briskly, wave or pump your arms, just get up and move. 

The main thing is that humans evolved as walkers and our bodies require this activity to maintain optimum health.

What are you doing to be the walker you were born to be? 

If we are going to return to being walkers, then we need walkable cities for home, work, and play. During the same TED Hour, town planners spoke about a movement for walkable cities. To be walkable, cities and towns need to be safe, useful, comfortable, and interesting. So, planners strive to design spaces that have people present around the clock, i.e. with housing, shops, restaurants, parks, gardens, areas for play and entertainment. 

How is your town becoming more walkable?

LiDoña Wagner SEEDS OF THE NEW March 2024

I have been intrigued by YOUR BRAIN ON ART / How the Arts Transform Us by Susan Magsamen & Ivy Ross. By two neuro researchers, this book shares research on the healing power of each and all of the arts. 

How are you incorporating play / art into your life?

 

What's up?

LiDoña Wagner January 2024

LiDoña Wagner February 2024

LiDoña Wagner February 2024

Here are three centering mandalas done since the beginning of 2024.

From what you learned about shapes in last month's blog, 

what do you think is going on in my life?

 

Where Are You in Your Life Now?

Our lives are permeable, we do not know our future selves. We live in a setting, an environment that includes parents, siblings, neighbors, a specific culture, a nation, the natural world, and planetary forces. All of these are constantly interacting, making for ongoing shifts and change. You cannot know the future you because you are always making choices, creating paths that disintegrate in the face of new realities. 

That means that despairing about the past or worrying about the future will get you nowhere. Focus on now, this moment in time. So, let’s check in with our unconscious to get some clues about your present situation. Anthropologist Angeles Arrien did extensive research into universal symbols. Her award-winning book, Signs of Life shares a diagnostic tool to give you an intuitive sense of where you are in your life now. Try it out now.

 

Study five universal shapes below.

  

 SIGNS OF LIFE by Angeles Arrien
                                                                                            

Which of these shapes do you like most? Put a #1 beside that one.

Which shape is your second most liked? Put a #2 beside that one.

Which shape do you like least? Put a #5 beside that one.

Examine the two remaining shapes. Which do you like more? Put a #3 beside that one.

The remaining shape is now your second most disliked? Put a #4 beside that one.

 

Examine your choices. Do the numbers feel correct? If not, change the numbers now.

 

What you have put in first place is where you think you are now. Your number two choice indicates a strength that others see in you, but you may not be aware of. Your number five choice represents old, unfinished business in which you currently have little interest. The shape you put in fourth place is a past challenge that is motivating your current process of change. The shape you selected for number three reveals where you are now. Let’s look at your number three choice.

 

If you chose the circle for number three, it suggests that achieving independence will bring your natural creative abilities to all areas of life. If the equidistant cross was your third choice, you will discover your originality and regenerative power through a relationship process. If the square is your number three, you need to stabilize and implement your creative endeavors and have the energy to do so. The spiral as your third choice shows that by trusting change and variety you can release your full energy. If your number three is a triangle, now is the time to envision and actualize your dreams, be inspired.

 

Now, make it personal. Take a moment to reflect on the intuitive meaning of the shape that was your third choice. What comes to mind when you read the sentence about your number three choice? Are you surprised? Does it bring up memories or forgotten visions? Does it feel right? If it irritates you, ask yourself why? Has it brought up something different than you expected? Is anyone else involved? Is it suggesting an action that has been outside your conscious awareness? What are you going to do with what has come up for you? 

 

Write a few sentences about how your number three selection mirrors what is taking place in your life now. Are you curious about your other choices? If so, the appendix provides descriptions of your number one, two, four, and five choices. 

 

You have accomplished your first lesson in being an artist: playing with visual symbols!

Winter Solstice 2023

Perhaps one of these greeting cards came from you.

Normally with Winter Solstice on the horizon here in the northern hemisphere, I focus on the barely discernible increase in light. But this year I am drawn to the miracle of life quickening below in dark frozen ground. 

 

QUICKENING IN THE DARK

 

Beneath dark frozen ground

A miracle gathers energy.

 

Out of human view

Germinating seeds awaken

In the silence of long nights.

 

Pods split open. 

Fragile barely discernable roots

Explore moist welcoming soil. 

 

Darkness protects in the temporal gap before

Sun’s rays entice shoots to spring forth,

Inviting lifegiving photosynthesis. 

 

The coolness of winter solstice 

Holds Spring in its embrace.

 

Grown from a single rooted leaf, this three-yea-old
 indoor plant is blooming for the second time.

2024 The Year of the Dragon

I’d like to pose some challenges for 2024.

1. Tell 5 people you appreciate them.
2. Listen regularly to the TED Hour on NPR Radio.
3. Write a song: I am ________. I am here to _________.

Here’s my song.

I’m LiDoña. I’m here to plant trees on Mother Earth and to shine a light on the amazing wonder of participating in the existential experiment of living beings in a vast universe. 

Friendship Network

Over the last thirty-two years, I have been the grateful recipient of beautiful holiday greetings with precious notes updating me on your lives. I treasure and keep these gifts. Each year as the Solstice approaches, I bring out a bag of souvenirs and create an 'evergreen' tree on one of my doors.

This year I made two friendship trees, one of small cards above and this one of larger ones. I have surrounded my fireplace with doves and messages of peace and placed several at my entrance. 

More priceless holiday greetings. 

Sorting through these messages of greeting and sharing, I read and reminisce. Nothing is more precious to me than being reminded of the gift of friendship that surrounds my life. Thank you!  

MAY JOY FILL YOUR HEART

 

AND PEACE SURROUND OUR PLANET!

 

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT

Willamette Valley Cancer Institute

On a chilly Friday afternoon, I decided to go downtown to pick up three books the library was holding for me. As I traversed the crosswalk from Marquis to the bus stop on the other side of the road, I noted someone already seated there. Getting closer, I saw a pair of blue sweatpants sticking out into the sidewalk - one leg strapped into a black brace. Approaching the figure, I said in a friendly manner, “Looks like you have a bum leg.” A dark curly head nodded slightly from the figure’s chest. Passing carefully so my cane would not bump his leg, I said, “Been there.” 

As I read the posted bus schedule and checked the time on my phone, I noticed that my companion for the ten-minute wait was in fact a young Black man. “Have you been waiting long?” elicited a nod and a mumble, “I’ve been here since 8:00 this morning.” Puzzled, I said, “Waiting for the bus?” The figure stirred and a youthful, brown-skinned face with sorrowful eyes lifted from the sagging chest. “I’m waiting for my ride.” 

 

Having forgotten to put my hearing aids in, I went closer. “Oh, you’re not waiting for the bus?”

 

With a shake of his head the young man sat up straighter, saying “I’m tired.” He pulled his clothing slightly down to reveal his right upper chest. I saw a metal ring swimming in reddish medicine and a piece of deteriorating surgical tape. “They put in a port and today is the first time they used it.” 

Chemotherapy Port

Instantly I knew, since we were immediately in front of Willamette Valley Cancer Institute, that he had just come from his maiden chemotherapy session. I looked into his eyes and said, “You’re going to make it!” Pointing to the cancer center, I said, “They know what they’re doing. You’re going to make it.” He was startled. Then I pointed to Marquis and continued, “I live over there because I come over here (pointing to WVCI) once a month for treatment.”

 

Stirring himself on the bench, he announced, “Here comes my ride.” I looked up to see a beige older model car make a U turn and drive up to the curb. A Black woman was at the wheel, speaking to someone in the back seat. A tall man, a bit older than my waiting companion, emerged and began walking around the car. 

 

My companion had already gotten himself into the passenger seat. As the door closed, I said, “I’ve been dealing with cancer since 1997. You’re going to make it.” 

 

The tall man seated himself in the back as the port-wounded young man lowered the car window. His eyes were glowing. He was smiling. He was a picture of intelligence and grace. Indeed, he was a handsome dude! Pulling away from the curb, he called, “You have a great rest of your day!”  

 

“You, too.” I replied.

 

A week later I realized. “I’ve been dealing with cancer since before that young man was born.”

Heros Are Here