Gifts of Friendship

What does friendship mean to you? Is it the support provided by someone who picks you up after a medical procedure or brings you supper when you’ve sprained your ankle? Is it the solace that comes when you sit up late into the night discussing things that hold meaning for you? Or perhaps, the faith in one’s self that is regenerated by receiving a no-interest loan at a time of life transition? Or the sense of longevity that comes from staying connected to a childhood neighbor or schoolmate?

Having moved around as a child, I didn’t discover the gifts of friendship until I was a young adult working in the civil rights movement and later doing grassroots empowerment in developing countries. Now I’m involved in training administrators for our public schools. As a result of choosing this kind of personally meaningful engagement, I have met many incredible people who have become life-long friends.

These buddies came to my rescue this past year as I struggled with how to get my most recent series of art works shown. Among my allies I discovered those who were Brutally Honest Colleagues, those who were Resource Locaters, and those who were Coaches.

The Brutally Honest folks were communications colleagues who shot down my ideas for how and to whom to present the work. They showed me how I was off base and what objections I would face. They probed my intentions and examined my rationales. When tears of frustration glistened on my cheeks, they sent me home to plumb more deeply into what the series meant and why I cared about it. Unhinged by not having answers to their queries, I vented with friends who are avid readers and researchers.

These Resource Locators told me what they’d been reading and a couple of books threw off sparks. Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath sounded as though it would help me think through how to present my artwork in a way that captured people’s interest. The Art of Pilgrimage by Phil Cousineau touched on experiences that had given rise to the paintings in the first place. Indeed, reading those two books convinced me that “Pilgrimage: Wonder, Encounter, Witness” was a more “sticky” title for the series than “Lessons from the Village.”

The Brutally Honest Colleagues helped me see that Pilgrimage would be a non-commercial exhibition. Instead of approaching galleries I needed to contact public art centers and museums. I located a couple of places that might be appropriate venues, but cowered when I received their guidelines for exhibition proposals. Three months passed with me doing nothing with my “sticky” idea. That’s when my coaching associates entered the fray.

Coaches ask exceedingly practical questions: Have you made a comprehensive list of non-commercial sites around the state? How many do you need? How long would it take you to do that research? What does “20 images” mean? How can you find out? Do all 20 images have to be from the series you want to show? How many digital images do you have from the series? What’s your next step? By the way, is there any opportunity you can exploit?

The coaches weren’t posing the deeply profound questions that the Brutally Honest Colleagues asked. They weren’t stimulating my thinking the way the Resource Locaters did. They were trying to get me off my duff and into action in the world. They succeeded. My first Pilgrimage exhibition is scheduled for March 2010.

Friendship is like a favorite pair of shoes, comfortable and long-suffering. It’s a relationship that has withstood the test of time, the ups and downs of crisis and misunderstandings. It’s the camaraderie developed by working shoulder to shoulder.

As you peruse your network of friends, ask yourself what roles they play for you and you for them. Give gratitude for the priceless gifts they bestow on you, for their solidarity with your purposes and for their ongoing belief in you.

PLAY: An Under-Appreciated Need

The card in my office mailbox announced a sale – a 13” MacBook for $777 – to celebrate the reopening of the Digital Duck in its renovated space. Since that same laptop was close to $1500 a year ago when I bought my IMac, I took the bait and plunked down my dough.

Then buyer’s remorse set in.  “I don’t need a laptop computer. I have my PC at work and my IMac at home. I don’t need a laptop, so why did I buy it?”

A friend who’s a computer whiz came to help me install the necessary software. When I expressed regret that I had bought something I don’t need, she said that since I hadn’t opened the box, I could return it. I paused. For some reason I didn’t want to take it back. So I replied, “Oh well, if it turns out that I don’t use it, I’ll give it to one of my granddaughters. They’ll be going to college soon.”

I put the laptop in the bedroom and started using it for my morning journaling. It was kind of cool to be able to sit in bed and record my morning reflections, but that was certainly no excuse for buying it.

Meanwhile, I was feeling frustrated with progress on a museum proposal for my Pilgrimage exhibition. I’d stalled because I needed to submit 20 images of my work on a CD and wasn’t sure how to do it. With a nudge from a friend, I stopped procrastinating, selected the images and created 20 files. Then it hit me: no one will bother to open 20 separate files. I need a slide show.

I had never created a slide show. I checked with various friends whom I consider to be proficient on computer stuff. It became clear that to have something that could be opened on either a Mac or PC and would allow viewers to progress through the images at their own pace, I needed to create it in PowerPoint. I had never used PowerPoint. Panic. Pause. Stall.

Cut to me journaling in bed one Sunday morning. On a whim I start fooling with the laptop. I try out Pages for a while and think, “Why not open PowerPoint and have a peek?” Click. "Yuk! I hate templates. Oh well, here goes." I fiddle with a template that shows promise and sort of like it. I see a button for inserting a slide. Click. The slide template allows me to import a photo, so I bring in a scan of one of my paintings. "That was pretty easy!" I start playing around with how I want each page to look. Suddenly I discover I can turn off the background graphics, yeah! Then I find a whole passel of different frames for the image, way cool.

"Oh my God, I can do this!"

I save the file to my thumb drive so I can open it on the IMac where all 20 of my image files are stored. I run downstairs and in a couple of hours, the slide show is done. I am floating on the ceiling with excitement. I, LiDoña, a complete jerk with computers and software, have created a professional-looking slideshow, saved it as a PDF, and burned it on a CD. Totally remarkable!

In the days that follow I begin using functions in Word that I have previously ignored. Somehow by playing on the laptop, I have broken through a barrier. I have used all previous desktop computers as work tools and since not knowing how to do something frustrated my work objectives, I would freeze and call for help. For years, I’ve watched people fool around with one button after another until they figured out my issue. But not me - I might lose some of the precious work I’d completed!

Now I understand that I really do need my MacBook. I need it so I can play.

Food & Mood

Many of us have probably been fighting the dark days of winter by self-medicating with food 'stressors' such as sugar, caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, wheat-containing foods, additives, dairy, and some saturated fats. Now is the time to kick the sugar and refined carbohydrates. Want to overcome the blah feelings you may be experiencing as winter wanes?

Eat foods high in key amino acids
The two amino acids that matter most and most often affect mood are tryptophan (for serotonin) and tyrosine (for dopamine and its cousin adrenaline).

• Foods high in tryptophan include turkey, milk, oil-rich fish, avocado, pumpkin seeds and bananas.


• Foods high in tyrosine include meat, eggs, fish, milk products, beans, nuts and soy products.

I became interested in the “food/mood” connection when I had the opportunity to hear a presentation by John Bagnulo. With a Ph.D. in Food & Nutrition, Bagnulo says that neurologically we need omega 3s, vitamin D3, and vitamin B12. Study the lists below to figure out how to get them into your diet.

Omega 3 (anti-inflammatory)

• found in plants, walnuts & flax


• eat 4-5 Brazil nuts/day(grown in Bolivia and not in Spain) or ¼ cup of walnuts/day


• take fish oil supplements (arctic cod liver oil 3500-4000 IUs will treat full blown depression)


• eat cold water fatty fish such as Pacific halibut, sardines, or wild salmon 2-3 times a week (haddock & cod do not have omega 3s)
  enjoy those egg yolks or reindeer meat
  

Vitamin D3 (controls rate of cell division and is needed by everyone in northern hemisphere)

• need 5000 IUs/day (except in June/July/August)


• take selenium


• get 3000 from fish oil


• can eat seal liver or Shitake mushrooms dried in the sun


• eat 4-5 Brazil nuts/day


• eat dark green vegetables such as kale & mustard greens


• eat tempeh and tofu
  

Vitamin B12 (affects mood, energy, and outlook)

• need 1000 mg/day (a challenge for strict vegetarians)


• eat spinach, beans, miso, sauerkraut


• if not enough, there is a risk of dementia


• if in doubt, Honocysteine is a helpful test to find out your levels
  

When asked for overall recommendations on staying healthy and having a positive attitude toward life, Bagnulo gave the following tips.

• eat a low protein diet of fruits (apples, grapefruits, dark cherries) and vegetables


• to help prevent arthritis eat watermelon & pineapple


• to get iron: eat oysters (also great for minerals), spinach & beets (enhanced by lemon juice)


• anti-skin cancer: use sun block not sun screen, eat Brazil nuts, take selenium


• don’t overcook pasta or baked potato


• good to eat daily: beans, lentils, humus, tempeh


• eat steel oats, millet, quinea, kasha, wild & brown rice, not boxed cereal


• for help with balance and chronic pain - eat almonds, Black Mission figs, and oranges

In summary, give these food 'supporters' a try: water, vegetables, fruit, oil-rich fish, nuts and seeds, whole-grain foods, fiber, protein, and organic food. (Stressors and supporters lists from PCC Natural Markets.)

E to the 3rd Power: Life Without a Car

“I see that you don’t own a car,” commented a friend visiting from out of town.


“Yes”, I responded. “I haven’t owned one since 1964.”


“Why?” she queried. So I proceeded to tell her about my E to the 3rd power life without a car.


“Well, it started as an economic decision. It costs from $6000 to $12,000 a year to own and operate a car. That has always seemed like a lot of money to me, especially during the years that I was self-employed. If I didn’t have to earn $6,000 to $12,000, that meant I had more time for my passions of writing and painting."


What I didn’t mention was that the cities in which I’ve lived – Brussels, Chicago, Manila, Mumbai, Victoria, Singapore, and Sydney – all had public transit systems that seemed less of a hassle than finding (and paying for) parking. Likewise in the small city where I live now.


“Then,” I continued, “over the years, as I learned more and more about global warming and issues of environmental degradation, my economic decision became an ethical choice. I saw that not owning a car was a personal way that I could limit my impact on the environment.”


Again, I didn’t mention that on the occasions that I’ve borrowed or rented a vehicle to accomplish some task that was difficult on public transportation, I felt intensely separated both from nature and other human beings. I find that public transportation puts me in touch with a diverse population that I, as an educated professional, would otherwise not encounter – the poor, youth, immigrants, single parents, and the disabled.


Not that all of the characters I encounter on buses or trains are pleasant and agreeable. I’ve been known to avoid certain times and routes noted for having loud and belligerent passengers. But the truth is, my fellow passengers keep me connected to reality and to our common human suffering. They force me out of my comfort zone and challenge my limited perceptions.


“And now,” I concluded, “not owning a car is a major component of my exercise program. I take routes that force me to walk at least part of the way to and from work or to and from the grocery store. I’m the kind of person who has to build exercise into my everyday routine to make it happen. Not owning a car saves me a gym membership and gets me moving whether I feel like it or not.”


Of course, I didn’t tell her I also do Pilates and Yoga because walking and weight-bearing are just the beginning of what it takes to keep the whole body flexible and resilient. Or that my morning and afternoon walks keep me in touch with nature’s rhythms even as I curse the rain, snow, or blazing sun!


So there you have it: my life without a car makes good economic sense, delivers a low impact on the environment, and gives me ongoing physical exercise - with connections to society and nature thrown in for good measure.


In fact, I have so much invested in not owning a car, that it’s hard for me to see why anyone would want one of those clunkers – except, of course, when I need to lug a forty-pound bag of dirt or pebbles for the garden. Thank you to everyone who’s come to my rescue at such inopportune moments.

The Translator

The Translator is Daoud Hari’s story of individuals who risked everything to get the truth of Darfur out to the world. His principal character is the place, Darfur, a desert area of Sudan that is home to indigenous farming and herding peoples who are being systematically wiped out because they occupy oil-rich lands. There are spaces in Darfur where: “Mirages make birds sitting on distant dunes – birds no bigger than your fist – look like camels. Mirages make dry flatlands look like distant lakes … make the bones of a single human skeleton look like the buildings of a city far ahead.”

For Hari, his older brother Ahmed epitomizes the Zaghawa tribesmen of Darfur. As a teenager, the author planned to go fight with a charismatic commander in Chad. Ahmed found his younger brother and told him to use his brain, not a gun, to make life better. “Shooting people doesn’t make you a man, Daoud,” he said. “Doing the right thing for who you are makes you a man.” Hari returned to school where he learned English, a skill that would later afford him a means to assist his tribesmen.

After years of working abroad to support his family in Sudan, Hari returned home. He arrived as Ahmed was preparing their village to escape an anticipated attack by the Janjaweed. Moments before the assault villagers began walking to Chad. For the next three months, Hari and six of his friends scouted ahead on camels to find water for their desperate tribesmen. The seven men brought food from Chad; helped people find one another and safe routes; and buried men, women, and children who could not finish the trip.

Seeing the flood of refugees pouring into Chad, Hari began serving as a translator, leading dangerous forays back into Darfur. While accompanying Paul Salopek from National Geographic, the two men and their driver were captured, imprisoned, and tortured. Salopek gives a journalist’s report of that ordeal in the March 2008 issue of National Geographic. In The Translator you will receive a more graphic and gripping picture through the storytelling voice of Daoud Hari.

The Translator is a character-driven narrative. Into this ancient land of familial alliances come strange new characters: cell phones that save lives, friendships that survive under torture, and international journalism as a vehicle of truth. The characters exist in a surreal environment: “All trails are erased with each wind. … mountains are not to be trusted … the crunching sound under your camel’s hooves are usually human bones, hidden and revealed as the wind pleases.”

I highly recommend that you read this book, even though it will break your heart. Maybe your broken heart will lead you to participate in stopping the genocide in Darfur.

PILGRIMAGE

I’ve been working over the last couple of months on how to position my village series for presentation. My current thinking is to have an exhibition called Pilgrimage that would include all of the village paintings, but also others related to similar experiences. The paintings would be accompanied by stories that relay the encounters that led to the paintings. Below is a draft of my artist statement for this exhibition.

Artist Statement for Pilgrimage

To go on a long journey … to confront obstacles …to be grateful for kindnesses
What places in the world have beckoned to you?

To do penance … to pay homage … to find meaning
How have “off the beaten path” experiences transformed you?

To seek answers to one’s deepest questions … to find one’s self through testing
In what ways have personal quests shaped your identity?

To see the world … to know the world … to become the world
When have people from other cultures deepened your humanity?

The paintings in Pilgrimage are the product of forty years of wanderlust – a passion that arose at the age of seventeen when I left my blue-collar home in Midwestern United States and embarked upon a quest that took me to remote sites around the world.

Paintings began emerging sporadically, as various meaningful experiences bubbled to the surface of my memory. In 2006 I began intentionally developing a body of work around human and cultural encounters that have shaped my identity. Many of these pieces are based upon an aerial view of a specific village where I lived and worked. In addition to colors, symbols, architecture and/or fabric patterns indicative of the culture of each location, I have embedded my own personal symbols to express the impact the people of that place had upon me.

I hope the narratives that accompany the paintings will not only deepen the viewing of the exhibition but also elicit the viewer's reflection upon her/his own personal quests.

Sticky Ideas

What do "Where's the beef?" and "It's the economy, stupid!" have in common? They have both passed Chip and Dan Heath's test for ideas that stick. The two brothers credit Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point, with giving them the concept of stickiness.

If you're like me, you've generated a lot of ideas that haven't gone beyond your best friend's, "Hey that's a great idea!" Yet other persons with "less great" ideas get published, splashed all over the news and celebrated in major galleries. Have you ever fretted about this injustice? If so, then, I recommend that you read Made to Stick, Why Some Ideas Survive and Other Die.

The Heath formula for a "sticky" idea is SUCCESs: Simple, Unexpected, Concrete, Credible, Emotional, Stories. I hope my summary below intrigues you to read the book.

Simple means getting to the campact core of the idea. Similar to the militray term, Commander's Intent, it means determining the single most important thing. An example from Southwest Airline: We are THE low-fare airline.

Unexpected means using the surprise factor to get people's attention. It requires creating a mystery to hold their attention. Nora Ephron tells about her first journalism class. The instructor gave them all sorts of information about a conference teachers would be attending and then had the students write "the lead" for the story. After he'd seen their drafts, he said, "The lead is: There will be no school next Thursday." Ephron says that she suddenly realized journalism wasn't about information; it was about getting underneath the facts to their importance. And for the rest of the year, every assignment had a secret - a hidden point the students had to figure out to produce a good story.

Concrete means using people and specifics that help others understand and remember your idea. James Grant, a former director of UNICEF, always carried a packet that contained one teaspoon of salt and eight teaspoons of sugar. When added to a liter of water, these ingredients constitute Oral Rehydration Therapy (ORT). As he met with ministers of developing countries, he would pull out his packet and say, "Do you know that this costs less than a cup of tea and it can save hundreds of thousands of children's lives in your country?" Very few people would forget this encounter with ORT.

Credible means helping people believe in the idea. This can be through offering authority (or antiauthority) and/or passing the Frank Sinatra test: "If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere." During a mandatory orientation session for basketball rookies, several players went to the hotel bar on the first night. They were pleased that some female fans paid them a lot of attention and made plans to meet up with them later. The next day these female fans were in the front of the classroom. Each introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Donna and I'm HIV positive." "Hi, I'm Sheila and I'm HIV positive." Suddenly all the talk about AIDS was concrete. And the antiauthority of Donna and Sheila made it credible. The rookies became believers in safe sex.

Emotional means making people care about your idea. Mother Teresa said that if she looked at the mass of human suffering, she felt paralyzed; but, if she looked at one person, she was moved to act. Anyone who has ever made a charitable donation knows that the story of one woman whose life was improved by receiving a cow or chicken has caused them to feel generous while tales of mass genocide in Darfur have left them immobilized. We care about the individual because we can identify with him or her. We may also get people to care about our idea by associating it with persons with whom they identify.

Stories mean moving people to act. Jared was a 425 pound college student who lost over 200 pounds by eating Subway sandwiches. Does that get your attention? Does that pique interest in your local Subway shop? It seems that when we hear a story we simulate it in our own life. Anyone who has ever done visualizations about success in a particular area of life, will be fascinated by the research done on event simulations. I'll give away the punch line: Visualizing how a problem arose, going over in detail the incidents that occurred step by step and the actions you took, what you said, the environment, who was there, etc. is more effective than visualizing the outcome you want and the feelings you will have when you achieve it.

May you have many sticky ideas!