Holiday Greetings

It's the festive season!

Patio Lights

Patio and window lights go up right after Thanksgiving, announcing to my neighbors that the festive season has arrived. Soon the hours of light will increase. Next is the entry décor featuring red ribbons and berries along with pinecones, recognizing my dependence upon the natural world. Sprigs of evergreen collected on my walks adorn pots holding plants now resting from the exuberance of summer and fall.

Welcome to the festive season.

My tree is up, but it’s not what you think! Composed of holiday greeting cards from years past, it celebrates the interconnected web of relationships that has sustained me through the years. One or more of the cards that make my tree may have come from you. Choosing from my assortment of cards brings memories of places I’ve lived and friendships that shaped me. Beneath this year’s Peace Tree, I have lined up cards that symbolize the gift of love received during difficult times of my life. 

Peace Tree

Next come all the festive mementos: paper peace cranes created years ago with Cheryl in Victoria, tiny little bells from India, white shells collected on Pacific coast beaches, a Peruvian creche purchased in Brussels to celebrate the birth of my inner child, and small decorative chocolate boxes exchanged with university workmates. Savoring these fond memories, I usually take two to three weeks to put things up. 

Bells, Cranes, and Shells

In this season of giving and renewal, may the 2021 winter solstice proclaim Hope and Peace for our troubled world and bring Joy to your heart.

I love chocolate!

Nurses Are Phenomenal

Wealthy Nations (including US and UK) have taken responsibility
for preserving 80% of the world's forested land in Brazil, Congo, and Indonesia,
They are on life support.

A scuffle of racing steps approached my room. My heart monitor read 21. Two nurses burst through the door, ready to restart my heart if it stopped. They looked at the monitor; now reading 32. One put her hands on her hips, shook her platinum bob, and said, “You need a pacemaker!” The three of us laughed and the monitor shot up to 41. 

 

Getting a pacemaker was the reason an ambulance had brought me from ER to the hospital at 7:15 pm Friday October 15. The question now was ‘When would I get it?’ It could be as early as 5:00 am or as late as … no one knew.

  

Nurses are phenomenal. While in ER a stream of caring nurses and paramedics, following the anthem BE PREPARED, took my vitals, put paddles on my chest and back, inserted two IVs in my right arm – one to keep me hydrated and the second in case they needed to restart my heart. Checking on me continuously, they explained that I had heart block, not a heart attack, meaning the upper and lower chambers of my heart were not communicating as they should. Later they reported that a doctor had ordered a pacemaker and an ambulance was scheduled. Each of them came to say goodbye when shifts changed, further instilling trust that I was in good hands.

At 2:15 pm on Saturday, October 16 the doctor who would be implanting the pacemaker appeared. He reported that the uncertain time was because it was now the weekend with fewer staff and the ‘cath lab’ where he would do his work had to give priority to urgent cases. Getting a pacemaker was considered an elective procedure so depending on what happened in the immediate future, we might be next ... or not.

After listening carefully to my two-year litany of incidents that prefigured the current heart block, he replied there was no guarantee that the pacemaker would end my episodes - there might be some other cause. But this would make my heart functional. He explained that he would make an incision below my left collar bone, thread two wires through an artery into the right atrium and right ventricle, install a small computer under the incision, attach the wires, check to be sure the computer worked properly, close the incision, apply super glue, and then take some tests to be sure the wires were where they should be.

Ten minutes after he left, I was greeted by the cath lab nurse – another caring professional who took all my vitals and explained the sleeping medicine that would prevent me from feeling the doctor’s work. As she wheeled me down to the surgical theatre, I learned that she was named for an Indian goddess. Was I lucky?

Under the rubric of BE PREPARED, fresh paddles were put on my chest and back in case they needed to restart my heart, and (overcoming my objection) an IV was put into my left arm in case the doctor needed to insert contrast to be able to better see where he was putting the wires. My objection was that for 24 years I had followed orders from a mastectomy doctor not to have any procedures done on the left arm because 11 lymph nods had been removed. Okay, I want this procedure to go well. Do what you have to do. 

 

I fell asleep as my left chest was anointed with a surface antibiotic, awakening later to the feeling of the pacemaker being pressed into my chest. Soon I heard the doctor joking about football with the technicians who had operated the X-ray machines and computer set up. I knew then that the hard part was over; they were relaxing after two hours of tension.

 

Three hours later, a friend picked me up to spend the night with her before going home to begin life as a pacemaker fortified 82-year-old. It would be two more days before I recognized the lady in red and named my pacemaker Clarissa. You will meet the lady in red in my next blog. 

I appreciate what it means to be on life support.

 

 

 

Meet Clarissa!

LiDoña Wagner Radiating Pink

“Maybe the fibers fray over time ….” the surgeon who installed my pacemaker murmured. He was speaking to himself, exploring what might have happened over my 22-month journey from an initial visit to ER in January 2020 to a heart rate that was sometimes falling to 21 and mostly stuck in the lower 30s: 60 and above is considered normal. During my two visits to ER in 2020 no cause was determined for my discomfort and lightheadedness. 

On July 29 a wasp stung the back of my neck, close to the spinal column. A day later, as I was returning from watering my garden, I felt my body being jerked to the right. Sometime later I awoke on the garden’s rock path. In my mind’s eye I saw a seated woman in a red dress holding out a cup to me. Bewildered about why I was on the ground, I determined that I needed water. After groping my way inside, I ran a glass of water, but before I could drink it, I passed out again. When I awakened on the floor, once again I saw the seated woman in a red dress handing me a cup. 

This time I crawled to the sofa and lay down until things began to come back into focus. I was between primary care providers (PCP). An appointment with my new PCP was scheduled for three days hence. Since my bodily and mental functions seemed to have recovered and ER visits had been unproductive, I determined to wait for that Monday morning appointment. 

My new PCP did an immediate EKG, examined for stroke and other things, and noted a concussion on the right side of my head; evidently, I hit it on a rock when I fell. She initiated a series of other tests to determine what had happened and why. First was an MRI which showed nothing wrong in the brain. In succeeding weeks, I had a series of ‘almost fainting’ spells, usually in the morning while preparing breakfast. I would sense my body shifting sightly to the right, grab the counter, lower myself to the floor and wait for stability to return.

 

LiDoña Wagner Breaking Out

In May 2021,  I had an episode in the back garden. By then I had clued into two accompanying features: changing the elevation of my head and getting overheated. My naturopath suggested that since I reported feeling dizzy, I should be tested for vertigo. After a hassle about who could authorize the exam, I was tested and assured that I did not have vertigo.

Then in August I had an episode while working at the computer. My vision blurred, there was pressure at the base of my skull, my shoulder muscles were hard, and I felt faint and short of breath. By the time I lay on the sofa, things were spinning, and my heart was pounding. An electrical current ran down my spine and left arm. Slow deep breathing brought things back to normal after a while. 

Since it involved my eyes, I called my ophthalmologist. After hearing my symptoms, he said it wasn’t an eye issue and recommended seeing a neurological ophthalmologist. Checking with my insurance company, I learned they would not pay for the recommended professional because he was not in their network. Since my annual visit with my PCP was coming up soon, I decided to weigh in with her. She referred me to their neurology department; an appointment is set for next month, Nov 10. 

Toward the end of September, I spent an afternoon helping a friend move so she would not be evicted. After three hours of continuous lifting and moving, I was drained of energy. Afterwards I felt consistently sluggish. I chalked it up to the onset of fall with rain and cold. 

October 15 the climax arrived. 

I was in a gallery viewing a show where a friend had a first-place winner. Partway through our tour, I became short of breath and overheated. After resting and drinking a bottle of water, we headed for the teashop. Finding myself weak and unstable, we changed course and instead came home. My friend has a pacemaker and while I rested on the couch, she suggested we use her wrist-band monitor to check my heart rate. It was low. So? 

It was time for her to go. As I followed her to the door, she turned around to say goodbye, stopped, and said, “Your face is white as a sheet. We have to do something.” “Okay, take me to the emergency room.”

LiDoña Wagner Hint of Hope

INTERMISSION

Later I will share the experience of getting a pacemaker and how my pacemaker got her name.

6 Ways to Change Minds

Several layers of sealer on my sign for our community
garden prove useful as fall rain begins.

Recently I read an interview with Howard Gardner, the researcher who wrote about seven intelligences. The subject was ‘Is it possible to change someone’s mind?’ Gardner said yes, there are six ways to do so. 

1. Real World Events 
2. Reason 
3. Representation 
4. Research 
5. Resonance 
6. Resources     

His six methods relate closely to the seven intelligences. 

Real World Events involves having physical/bodily experiences, called kinesthetic intelligence. Think of someone whose relative or friend died of Covid-19.

Reason utilizes both linguistic and logical/mathematical intelligence. It represents listening to and trusting scientists to help guide us through the pandemic.

Representation relates to descriptive images or visual spatial intelligence. This bring to mind maps showing where Covid-19 cases and deaths are occurring.

Research means getting people to do their own reading, experiments and investigation. Media figures who suggest taking animal de-worming medicine put all their trust in themselves, a form of self-smart behavior that can have disastrous results. 

Resonance is about making connections with people, interpersonal intelligence. This can be seen in Biden, Harris and celebrities being publicly vaccinated.

Resources means receiving money or material goods. Some states offered financial rewards for getting vaccinated. Some businesses are reducing pay or firing those who do not get vaccinated. I think this is another example of physical/kinesthetic intelligence.

Gardner reported that change will be gradual, so much so that a person will be unaware of changing. You can reduce negative emotion by delivering new ideas in very short bursts rather than lengthy explanations. Time will pass. One day they surprise themselves by recognizing they are a different person than the one represented by attitudes and beliefs they once held.

I'm including photos of our community garden and the Book Box recently placed just outside the garden entrance. In contrast to the lengthy time it took to finally get the garden, it was just a matter of months for this free library to appear. Having observed people on the bench enjoying the beauty and benefit of the garden, others were inspired to add another benefit to our community. Perhaps this is an example of 'resonance' - interpersonal intelligence.

 

End of An Era

Today President Biden announced the end of the era of United States military presence abroad. Calling us to face present day reality, he whispered - the future has already arrived.

Natural Sources of Energy

   

Nation-wide System of Charging Stations 

Local/Regional Production Units

   

    

Global Information Systems

Precision Fermentation of Food

    

Any people who can airlift over 120,000 people under extreme conditions in two weeks surely has the capacity to accept reality. 

       

   

Healing Gardens: Food

When I first moved into my townhouse, I wanted to grow food. 

I planted lettuce and beans but deer devoured them before I had 

a chance to pick and enjoy them. I gave up and bided my time.

 Finally this spring a group of neighbors requested and 

received permission to create a community garden.

We recruited the required ten persons and raised funds to build

 raised beds. The HOA helped pay for fencing and soil.

Luckily for us, one of our group is a landscape designer. 

With a spigot some distance away, we installed a 

water barrel that can be filled once a day.

Concerned about attracting and feeding bees and butterflies, 

we requested permission to plant a flower patch 

outside the veggie garden.

Most of us also planted flowers with our veggies.

Lettuce, spinach and kale arrived quickly and soon 

zucchini, radish, beans and peas were in our kitchens.

No one really thought corn would take off but it's coming right along

And now here come the tomatoes!

Pumpkins, acorn squash, even watermelon are in our future.

And we love to share our bounty.

 

Healing Gardens: Privacy

Four neighbors at crossroads.
My unit is straight ahead behind the fences.

We are four neighbors in proximity who have privacy issues. Two side by side can see into one another’s patios despite a partial fence between them. Most dramatically, two diagonally across from each other can see directly into each other’s patios and living rooms. My issue was neighbors behind me seeing directly into my patio from their second floor windows. 

Solution for Side by Side

A top-of-fence planter was installed to give visual height to the partial fence and distract people’s vision. Unseen are two heat pumps surrounded by plants.

Note planter on top of fence
 between two side by side neighbors.

Solutions for Diagonal Views 

Tp protect her from diagonal neighbor's view, the person behind me built a paver tower in the corner of her patio for a tall plant and surrounded it with other tall plants also on pedestals.

Tall plants on pedestals.

 

The other diagonal neighbor who is next door to me got a tall planter box for the edge of her patio and put plants beneath, inside, and surrounding the box.

Note dark wood planter on stilts to the left
and behind large pink blossoms.

Solution for Seen from Above 

My solution was to plant small trees: one beside my patio, one in a large pot on the patio and one by the fence separating me from the neighbor directly behind me. The trees screen my seating areas from immediate view and provide shade from the direct morning sun. 

Small Dogwood beside my patio
screens view from one neighbor behind me.

Potted Crape Myrtle on patio and second Dogwood to the right
(see branches) screen views from neighbor behind me.

My trees provide 'borrowed scenery' for all my neighbors and a Buddha statue sets an appropriate tone for resolving issues.

Buddha on my patio table establishes peace
 for the neighborhood.

Symbols of the Self

The circle, square, and diamond are symbols of the self or soul. In traditional Tibetan mandalas, one can only get into the central square through portals that are guarded by ogres and angels. Any centering mandala is an invitation to go inward and be refreshed.

Portals to the Heart

Centering Mandala with Square and Portals

• Place the materials in front of yourself on a table.
• Write the date in the upper righthand corner of blank white paper.
• In the upper left corner write, “Beginning this I feel …” 
• Center yourself. Put both feet on the floor, close your eyes, slow down your breathing, center yourself. 

Just remain in the center, watching. And then forget that you are there. Lao Tzu

• Choose a color and draw a circle.

Flower Portals

• Choose another color and draw a square in the center of the circle.

Goddess Portals

• Choose one or more colors and draw four doorways into the square. The doorways are portals, thresholds, and obstacles.

Peaceful Center

• Fill the whole circle with color.
• When finished, write at the bottom, “Completing this I feel …”

If it feels right, share your reflections with a friend.

Four Directions Home

   

LiDoña Wagner, GRAPHITINT & INKTENSE pencils

Radiating Hope

LiDoña Wagner Radiating Flower

Last month I introduced the making of centering mandalas to find peace in the midst of troubling or anxious times. I showed centering mandalas based on the spiral, a shape that focuses on the cyclical movement of time. 

This month's centering mandala is a radiating pattern. We recognize this pattern in flowers whose petals radiate out from a center. It can also be seen in relation to how a tiny seed grows roots that radiate out into the soil. We recognize it when we throw a stone into water and watch ripples flow out from the spot where it hit the water.

Use whatever media with which you are comfortable. I have used Derwent Graphitint and Derwent Inktense pencils and Cretacolor AquaStic Metallic crayons for mandalas shown here. My photographer friend Sandy Brown Jensen generated hers on the computer using her own and free online images. 

 Radiating Pattern Centering Mandala

Place the materials in front of yourself on a table. 

Write the date in the upper righthand corner of blank white paper.

In the upper left corner write, “Beginning this I feel …” 

Example: Beginning this I feel anxious about Covid 19 rampaging around the world. 

LiDoña Wagner Radiating Roots

Just remain in the center, watching. And then forget that you are there. Lao Tzu

Center yourself. Put both feet on the floor. Close your eyes, slow down your breathing, do a body scan relaxing each body part as you move from head to toes. 

Choose a color and draw a circle.

Choose another color and draw a radiating pattern out from the center of the circle.

Fill the whole circle with color.

LiDoña Wagner My Beating Heart

When it feels complete, write at the bottom, “Completing this I feel … ”

 If it feels right, share your reflections with a friend.

 Sandy Brown Jensen Computer Photo Collage Spring Equinox

Centering Yourself #1

Centering Mandalas are a wonderful way to find peace and calm in the midst of your daily life. 

Just remain in the center, watching. And then forget that you are there. Lao Tzu 

 Beach Stones LiDoña Wagner Feb 2, 2019

I advise persons to do a centering mandala whenever they feel fragmented and desire greater balance. You can do one in twenty minutes. Frequently, after drawing one during a twenty-minute gap in my schedule, I go back later and embellish it. Because it is a symbol of wholeness (circle) time spent embellishing is also centering and calming. All of the examples shared below have been embellished.

Materials

•    Depending on the size of the journal you’ve selected, you may want to do centering mandalas in your journal so you have a record of your inner life.
•    Otherwise, you need a sheet of 8.5” x 8.5” paper. A sheet of copy paper will work but will limit the media you use if you wish to embellish it.
•    At least eight crayons, markers, or colored pencils (Red, Yellow, Blue, Green, Violet, Brown, Black and Grey) and a pencil. I like to use Derwent Graphitint (softer earth tones) and Inktense (strong colors) pencils.  

 Dancing Spirals LiDoña Wagner March 24, 2021

Spiral Centering Mandala

• Place the materials in front of you on a table. 
• Write the date in the upper righthand corner of blank white paper.
• In the upper left corner write, “Beginning this I feel …” Example: Beginning this I feel conflicted re letting some things go but wanting to hold on to others – frenetic.
• Center yourself. Put both feet on the floor, close your eyes, slow down your breathing, do a body scan, relaxing each part of your body as you move from head to toes.  
• When you feel balanced, open your eyes, select a color and draw a large spiral on the paper. (If you’re feeling scattered, go from outside into the center, if not, go from the center to the outside.) Put that color down. 
• Fill the entire spiral with color(s).
• When it feels finished, close your eyes and focus your energy. When you are ready, complete the phrase,  "Completing this I feel ... ", writing it in the lower right corner of the paper. Example: Completing this I feel there is some place in the universe where there is wholeness and unity. I am calm.
• If it feels right, share your reflections with a friend. 

 

Earth Jewels LiDoña Wagner
 July 21, 2019

Remember, the important thing is the PROCESS, not the product!