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| The fashionable cane that helps me balance to prevent falling. |
One would think that earlier brushes with death would have prepared me for the end of life. After all I could have died when:
- one of two engines failed on a six-seat plane on the way to Timbuktu; or
- when our tent collapsed as we set out to march in Selma; or
- in the Chicago riots after the assassination of Martin Luther King; or
- on a Filipino bus set fire by protestors; or
- had my emergency appendectomy in the Philippines been a few hours later; or
- hitchhiking in Maharastra, India; or
- when I had breast cancer; or
- of grief when my only child died: or
- when I hit my head during a fall on the sidewalk in 2015.
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| The pool where I walk and hang (traction) three times a week to keep my body supple. |
Pioneering Meaningful Life
Nor did it help when my physical therapist met my complaint about how much time it takes to care for this aging body with a smiling response. “Isn’t it great that you no longer need to work so you have time to deal with your health issues?” I did not see any great benefit in what she said and while her comment stopped my complaining to her, I continued to rail to myself against what seemed to be outrageous healthcare demands.What did help was when, after ordering X-rays of the hip, my young physical therapist said, “LiDoña, modern medicine has made it possible for humans to live longer, but the human body was not designed for long life.”
Suddenly, I realized that as baby boomers we are once again pioneering. Now we are leading the charge for living meaningful lives in bodies that are shutting down.
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| The elaborate bed that enhances circulation in my leg and reading in bed. |
Extraordinary Time
Last week three deaths struck me in the heart.- My dear friend Gail Katul, who shared my same age, died after a struggle with vascular dementia. She was in my first Eugene Dream Mandala class and was my first local art patron. She was bright, sensitive, creative, and generous.
- Aretha Franklyn, Queen of Soul and singer for three presidential inaugurations, died at the same age that I am now. As President Obama said, “she gave us a piece of divinity”.
- Kofi Annan, the former courageous United Nations General Secretary, passed away just after turning 80. The world lost one of its great peace warriors.
A similar message is carried in the film The Last Word. Shirley McClain plays a former successful businesswoman facing (and even wanting) death. Yet she decides to make her final months into an extraordinary life - one inspiring others to be their best self.
As you become aware of your human clock ticking down, what kind of extraordinary time will you live?
7 comments:
Hi LiDona,
I am also using a cane—identical to yours! My husband bought it for me in Scotland this summer, where I ruptured a low back disk. (We had to come home early) Our neighbor, who owns a bike store, wrapped the handle for me with “handle tape” which makes it softer. I found the wood hard.
For all I know, I’ll be using a cane for the rest of my life. Although my pain specialist has gotten me out of pain—a huge blessing— I have strange leg numbness and a knee that gives way at unexpected times. PT appointments, three times a day exercises, on and on. Whoever coined the phrase “aging is not for the weak of heart” sure was right. And the adage that we are only as old as we think we are is a load of bull lucky. Ursula LeGuin has written wonderful essays on aging called “No Time to Spare: thinking about what matters.” Some are hilarious, some sobering, all beautifully written. I purchased it for Kindle when I realized I’ll want to reread them.
In other words, I commiserate.
Best,
Skye
PS I now have two books out—did you know that?
I don't have the book at hand to be sure I have the exact citation, but my mother used to quote a line from poet William Stafford: "Some days, just being is a big enough job.
Carolee
La Dona,
Compared to shoulder or knee surgery, hip replacement surgery is much easier -- especially now that the docs are using the 'anterior' (frontal) approach where NO muscle is cut. Recovery is 6-10 days. With no hip pain you'll be able to walk on solid ground (not just the pool) on trails, increasing your aerobic fitness and feeling the exhilaration of nature. Please look into this . . and make sure you find an orthopedic surgeon who only or mostly does hips (not a general ortho guy who does everything.) Most ortho guys either do 'upper' body, or 'lower body. Find one who does 'lower' and has done 2,000-6,000 hips so far. And make sure he does the 'anterior' approach.
My best to you,
Cynthia Vance
My best to you,
Cynthia Vance
When George W. Bush left the Presidential Office and started painting dog pictures, I pooh-poohed his efforts. Wasn't this just typical of someone like him? At least Clinton gave speeches and started a non-profit for human betterment, and Carter has been an ambassador and humanitarian extraordinaire.
Then I look at myself. I have taken care of my 93-year old Dad for the last 6 years (along with help from my wonderful husband, Michael), and I paint -- just like George.
I have two artificial knees. I have fallen four times in nine months and struggled mightily to get up off the floor every time I did. I do the bookkeeping for Dad and us, I attend lectures at the local senior center, I go to art classes, and I read.
I also wave to anyone who goes by when I am in the front yard, even those in cars. I say hello to anyone I see while I am out walking. I verbally admire everyone's dog. I laugh heartily at every joke told by a friend or a stranger -- even the ones I have heard for the third and fourth time.
When I am chatting with someone, I try to spend at least 75% of the time listening and remember to ask "what do you think you should do?" rather than leap to giving advice when they tell me about some problem they are having.
I use the names of people who work at my local grocery chain and ask how things are going. I call my waiter/waitress by name, and thank them for their service to me.
I am not always kind. I can be cutting and impatient. I hate telemarketers and "con men" and tell them so. I worry about plastic and illegals and Syria and red tides. I wonder if I will be able to "off" myself before I become a financial and physical burden on the next generation.
I don't travel (hate the airport hassle). I am always forgetting and then remembering some detail of the routine of taking care of Dad. I get very frustrated when a word is on the tip of my tongue and I don't remember it until after my guest has left. It takes longer to do everything. Part of the problem is I have to motivate myself to do things as well as actually do them.
I thought I would die before I was 65. I had a fatal, chronic disease (hepatitis C). Then, they invented a cure. I must say that despite the loss of my knees (2014), the pain of a severely sprained ankle (one of those falls), the continued increase in my weight (I am in the obese category), and the Trump Presidency (sigh), the last four years have certainly been valuable. And this painting thing? I am actually getting better at it.
Thank you for the blog, LiDona.
Lauri
Something seems to be prompting me to see these coming (?) years as preparation for two deaths. There is a Muslim saying, "Die before you die."
Thanks for your reflections on an aging body, LiDona. And thanks to others who've responded with tales of courage and spunk in living out loud in the midst of physical ailments. John and I are resembling a number of those conditions as well. Thanks, Cynthia, for your practical advice on new hip replacement techniques. I might just need that one of these days.
In gratitude,
Ann
Bill and I found your reflections very honest and strangely encouraging. We have been following the spiritual teacher Mooji (Advaita tradition) and went to a retreat last year. He says to remember ‘ my body, not me’. Bill has Alzheimer’s and the awareness of his ground of being in consciousness is very helpful to him.
Best to you
Clare
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