OPENING TO THE FUTURE

Letting Go

In the first part of June a friend helped me give away six of the trees from the tree nursery I started at my former home. Even as I knew they needed to move from pots into the ground, it was still gut wrenching. These were my babies! As wee sprouts, I had rescued them from oblivion, given them a home, watered and fussed over them. 

I spent a couple of days feeling empty and forlorn.But it turns out that giving away these now solid young trees would be the last time I would grieve for my former home of 20 years.

Finding space for the New

For several days I contemplated the empty spaces left on my two decks. I began to see how the Buddha that graces my east-facing deck could be moved into a more central location where it could be seen from several views. And if I moved a couple of younger trees to the back deck there would be space for my three potted Hydrangeas on the shady side of the deck, a move that would allow them to flourish. 

There was still space for two of my youngest most fragile trees: a pink Korean Dogwood gifted to me for taking care of someone else’s lilies and a baby I had rescued from a negligent neighbor when I saw that it was stunted from lack of water. A few faithful geraniums would add some color.

Opening to the Future

I gathered my remaining eight trees on the back west-facing deck, grouping them into a grove that would protect my living room from intense afternoon heat. 

As I began enjoying my two new and enlivened spaces, I realized that my transition from homeowner to aging renter was over. During my twenty years in my former home I had grieved over the death of my daughter and participated in helping my grandchildren grow into amazing college-educated adults. 

Now one grandchild is a businesswoman, yoga teacher and mother with a baby – making me a great-grandmother. The other has a Ph.D. in neuroscience and has launched a professional career in research and teaching. 

All of this means I am launched into a wide-open future. What and who will I become?